Tag Archives: love

One of my favorite Daddy-Facebook-interactions

PaintNite DateNite with Cody!

(Another pre-Daddy draft finally gets finished….)

Last Christmas I got Cody two present: One functional (a gift card) and another fun: PaintNite Date Night with ME!!!!

You probably know the whole concept of PaintNite but I think each one is a little different. This one is run by local artists, hosted at various local bars, (so constantly roaming) and highly encourages drinking while painting. Everyone works on the same piece, which is different per class, and each painting is gauged on level of difficulty.

Shortly after I gave Cody his Christmas card we got on the phone and started looking at which paintings we wanted to try out – after a bit of back and forth, we nailed down a date in February that looked REALLY cool called “Raining Paint.” The painting had a drip-like style that looked like multi-colored rain coming down on two little birds who were perched on a wire with umbrellas. It looked freakin’ neat, super fun, and hopefully easy.

Our event was held at Graffiti Junction in College Park and upon arrival we did what we do best: Pony up to the bar, order martinis, and take a selfie.

Let the games begin!

Then we got smocked up and took a pre-painting selfie.

I seriously love taking photos with this man.

We were sitting on the backside of the room so we didn’t have a super great view of the painting we were there to mimic, but we had blank canvases, high hopes, and globs of paint on a paper plate.

Oh, and mimisoa’s. We were ordering doubles and throwing DOWN!

The painting instruction started and our teacher was a super cute blonde who encouraged us to keep drinking – and that was a good thing. She had an assistant who kept us flush in the core colors of our painting and drinks. And we had cute neighbors that were there on a “real” date nite.

Which leads me to my number one observation – PaintNite is for two audiences: Groups of Girls, and Early Dating Couples. Cody and I are neither of those things, so of course we were having a blast with our people-watching and inadvertent-evesdropping.

At first, our paintings started out REALLY well with an awesome base for rainy day clouds. Cody actually helped me craft my cloudy background with lots of texture and depth.

Cody paints clouds.

And then….

Then….

Then we started painting the “rain.”

And that’s when my pretty clouds turned into the ugliest thing I’ve ever made.

Because instead of the paint truly dripping down the canvas (which we thought would be the case), we just kind of… painting a wavey line on the canvas.

And then we added lots of multi-colored poofs and clouds at the top…

Followed by the wire for the two birds…

And the birds? Those were two circles painted, filled in, and given a little triangle beak.

I’m not sayin’ mine is ugly. I’m just sayin’… okay yeah it’s really ugly.

Mine is on the left. Cody’s is on the right. Yeah no.

I don’t know why mine came out so dark and dreary. I remember not really liking the yellow paint in my clouds. But otherwise, I don’t know what happened!

But Cody’s is cute, right?! 🙂

Either way – I am proudly hanging my monstrosity in my house, right next to my closet, in public. And most importantly – We had a FANTASTIC time, and I would absolutely go again.

Go PaintNite Orlando!

A Lengthy, Detailed Update on Mia

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Since so many people have asked and the details are so vast, I thought I’d write out a full-length update on Mia’s health in chronological order. This is long, but it’s thorough and pretty interesting if you’re interested in that sort of thing…

The Beginning: The Flu and Ventilator
Mia got Type A Flu around February 16th. She was admitted to ICU on February 19th and she was incubated/put on a ventilator to assist with her breathing after not responding well to the by-pap machine on February 22nd.

(And by “not responding well to the by-pap” I mean “taking her mask off and throwing it at the nurse because she was agitated and hated it.” That’s our Mia. :))

Now, you and I get about 21% oxygen from the atmosphere. The pressure that our lungs and diaphragm extends to bring that air in is roughly 5 “Peep.”

Mia spent 19 days with a tube down her throat and most of that time was spent with a ventilator delivering 100% oxygen to her lungs at 15 peep – the highest settings the machine has.

She was breathing short, shallow breaths against the machine, so her lungs weren’t absorbing the oxygen as well as they should have and she was also out of synch with the ventilator. It was pushing a breath in while she was pushing out. The ventilator was supposed to help her rest, do the work for her, and allow her to fight off the flu and pneumonia… but she subconsciously fought it every step of the way.

The Middle: Pneumonia and Sedation
Because she was fighting against the machine so hard, and to help her chill out enough to allow the ventilator to do the work for her so she could fight the infection, Mia was heavily sedated from the get-go. This is why she didn’t know about Daddy… it’s probable she still doesn’t really know… we haven’t gone out of our way to bring it back up.

When she was on the by-pap, they gave her Morphine and Advan. When she was put on the Ventilator, it was Propofol (the drug that killed MJ). Then, when her breathing was so out of synch with the vent, they put her on a paralytic to completely paralyze her body so no muscle could fight against the machine – nothing, nada, not one movement.

Now, when you’re taken off of Propofol, you usually wake up pretty instantly. Mia… didn’t. Her eyes opened, she stared straight ahead, but she didn’t move. It looked like the lights were on (barely), and no one was home.

Those times she was taken off of all sedation were called “Sedation Vacations” (yes, I asked if I could get one, only the inverse… I was denied) and it was during one of those breaks that we told her about Daddy.

That was Wednesday night, March 5th.

At that point her doctor told us she wouldn’t survive a tracheotomy, that none of her metrics were moving in any direction let alone the right one, and that her major systems (like, kidneys) were starting to slowly fail.

Looking back, if we were going to ‘pull the plug,’ then that would have been the night to do it. Her doctor said that if she made it through the weekend with no movement in the right direction, then Monday, March 10th, we would discuss making that decision.

The Turn-around: Clearing Up and Getting a Trach
I swear that night I felt Daddy ask, jokingly of course, “This woman can’t even give me two weeks of peace in the after-life?”

And damn if she didn’t start turning around for the better on Thursday, March 6th.

The ventilator’s oxygen output was dropped to 70%…. then 60%…. then 50%. Then her peep level started getting adjusted down… her cultures came back that she was negative for the Flu, her kidneys picked back up, and she started maintaining her own heart-rate and blood pressure again.

On Wednesday, March 12th she was cleared for, and received, a tracheotomy.

For the first time in almost 20 days we were able to take her completely off of all sedation and see her entire face. And because she has a trach, there’s a line in her chest where nurses can pull out the gunk that you and I would normally cough up after a bad bought of pneumonia. Gross but awesome. Finally, she was heading in the right direction.

The Lights Are On…
The first two days after the trach, there wasn’t a whole lot going on in there. Again, we feared ‘lights are on and nobody’s home.’ Corey and I had such high hopes seeing her after surgery and while we saw tiny little flashes of possible recognition in her eyes… for the most part, nothing.

At that point her nurses were wondering, along with us, if she’d had a stroke… if she’d been deprived of oxygen too long (there was a point when the machine was working as hard as it could and her body just wasn’t responding),… had brain damage occured from possible oxygen deprivation… or had she just been on Propofol so long that it was stored in her fatty tissues and it will take weeks to work itself out….?

Basically, we were wondering if we’d made the right decision by keeping her alive via machines. We wondered what kind of body we were bringing Mia back to. We were afraid we went against her wishes. But the simple fact is, we won’t know the answers to any of those questions for a very, very long time. We went with the doctor’s advice and did the best we could.

Friday, March 14th – exactly one month since I’d last seen Mia and Daddy both totally normal, laughing, fun-loving as always – I left work and went straight to the hospital. I sat down next to her bed and bawled my effing eyes out. The only person who needed Daddy more than I did is this woman… she’s the only person who can understand the hole left in my heart and my life by his death… and she’s completely out of it.

Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind-of….

I lifted my head off of her bed when her nurse came in and said “Oh hey! She nodded for me today! And shook her head! And she’s tracking with her eyes – watch, I’ll call her name from this side of the room and she’ll look over!”

And sure enough, she called Mia’s name, and Mia looked over. Then Mia looked at me and I saw it in her eyes – she recognized me. She opened and closed her mouth like she wanted to talk to me. And I started laughing and crying at the same time.

Saturday, March 15th to Today and Kindred
So last Friday, Mia looked at me and recognized me.

Last Saturday Cari and I showed up at the hospital and she was turning her head, blinking for us, responding to requests to open and close her mouth… she also accidentally squeezed my hand when she had a bad coughing fit, and even moved her legs a little.

I’m writing this on Wednesday, March 19th, one whole month after Mia came down with Type A Flu, and she is being moved from the Cape Canaveral Hospital’s ICU to a longer-term care hospital in Melbourne, FL that specializes in weaning patients off of ventilators, called Kindred.

She’s made a LOT of progress considering how ill she was, but to be clear: She still cannot speak or form words with her mouth for us to lip-read – but she can respond to simple requests with a nod, head shake, or blink. She still has not moved a muscle, gripped a hand, or otherwise responded physically to any command – but she can move her muscles when coughing.

The Longterm Outlook
It’s a miracle that Mia is alive right now, but she has an enormous road ahead of her to recover. There is still no telling if she CAN recover. All we know right now are that the signs are promising, and she is making small improvements each day.

But to be clear, her future is very uncertain. She may never be able to relearn motor skills enough to live on her own again… she may never go home. But she also might surprise the hell out of us and be back in her house in six months. We just don’t know.

After her time at Kindred she will need to go to a longer-term rehab facility. We’re not sure if we’re going to be sending her to one in Pensacola to be nearer Cari, my stepsister and her daughter who has Power of Attorney, or if we will need to keep her nearby Merritt Island. That will all depend on how well she is to travel… we kinda hope she’ll be able to tell us if she even *wants* to travel.

As for the kids…
In the meantime, Cari, Corey, and I are splitting up the weeks at the house to take care of our parents very old dogs who are just as shocked as we are. Depending on how long Mia will be in rehab, we will need to find a foster home for them, which breaks our hearts and is a decision we’re putting off as long as possible.

We’ve taken care of Daddy’s will, honored his wishes to be cremated, and started the process to have him interred at the Florida Veteran’s Cemetery. We’ve gotten a probate attorney to help us sort through everything and we’ve started going back to work. Next, I’m going to start planning a memorial service for him and give folks enough notice to come from around the state.

I’m going back and forth between good-Daddy-days and bad-Daddy-days… which I’m sure I’ll continue to write about as I process. But what really breaks my heart is that, by the time Mia can really understand that Daddy died, my grieving process will be very far ahead of hers. I know what kind of pain and heartbreak she has in store. And whatever her recovery process may be… that heartbreak is awful, and I would give anything to save her from experiencing it too.

Mia and Daddy

Daddy. A vLog.

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No written words can convey what I’m feeling and I had to get this out… not only for myself but to keep from having to tell it over and over again. So, I did my first vLog.

Warning: It’s long. I cry. If you love me, you might cry too. I’m sorry… I hate this so much…

http://youtu.be/ipFYXpbK2o4

If you’re looking for something different, go check out this post I wrote about my Daddy last Father’s Day: I Love My Daddy. There will be more good ones as I process. In fact, this blog might become dedicated to my Daddy with as much love as I have for him, and I have to share.

I love him so much… thanks for watching.

xo,

– A

I Love My Daddy

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Yup. I’m 31 years old and I still call him Daddy.

My Daddy is my best friend and my greatest political foe.
He taught me how to ride a bike and I don’t know how he didn’t lose his mind when I screamed for *hours* after skinning both hands and knees in his apartment parking lot.
He taught me how to swim – with swimmies and without, in the ocean and the pool.
When I was little, he would let me float on his arms in the pool and doze off as he would repeatedly say “Princess of Power… floating on her royal barge…” Only now do I remember the sarcastic tone and eye-rolling that accompanied it.
He built sandcastles with me and played Barbi and *literally* spent days searching for Punky Brewster High Top shoes for me in 1st grade.
I put ketchup on my scrambled eggs because of him, and so does my Uncle Dan.
I tell people my sense of humor developed when I was 12 years old. That’s the summer my Dad said “you’re old enough now” and sat me down in front of the VCR with Spaceballs, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and The Three Amigos.
He took me to my first casino and when we sat down at the bar to order a drink we discovered we have the exact. same. tastes. (and judgement) in beer.
We saw Star Wars Episode II together in New Jersey and were in complete agreement on all that sucked, yet that the Yoda fight scene at the end was worth it.
It’s his fault I am so sarcastic and such a smartass.
I know that no matter how many times I call him and totally lose my shit about life, he’ll keep answering the phone.
He’s the reason I turned out okay, because he never gave up on me even though I gave him countless reasons to do just that.
He is the best guy I’ve ever known and I am so fortunate to have him as my Daddy.

He is, without question, THE reason I am The Luckiest Girl Ever.

Ali and Daddy

How I Witnessed My Best Friend’s Episcopal Wedding

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On May 18, 2013 my best friend and heterolifemate, Grace, got married!

My bestfriend is married! SQUEEE!!

The wedding was in Brooklyn, the weather was beautiful, the dress was handmade by the bride, and I was A Witness.

Grace asked me to be uh witness three weeks prior, after the rehearsal of my own wedding in Asheville. Since she and Aaron weren’t having any attendants, I was honored to be given a role on her special day.

Here’s what I know uh witness is responsible for at a wedding:

Watch two people get married.
Sign a marriage license saying you watched said people get married.

I’m pretty sure that’s all my witnesses had to do, and that’s what I was prepared for.

So when Grace asked me to attend her rehearsal the night before her wedding, I figured “okay, couldn’t hurt.”

She mentioned I would probably hold her bouquet and that in other Episcopal weddings she had attended, the witnesses signed the marriage certificate at the alter, during the ceremony.

That shoulda been my first clue that uh witness and A Witness are not the same thing.

So here’s what A Witness does in an Episcopal wedding:

Walk down the isle to the bridal processional. (So when that special ‘bride music’ comes on, everyone stands up, turns around, and see’s… A Witness).
Stand next to the bride throughout The Exhortation and the giving of the bride to her groom by her father.
Hold the bride’s bouquet.
Stand next to her throughout The Declaration of Consent, and The Presentation.
Sit next to the bride at a chair in front of the first pew (you know, the special pew reserved for family) during the Ministry of the Word, The First Reading, the Second Reading, the Gospel Reading, and the Sermon.
Follow the Priest, Bride, and Groom to the alter while a choir sings and organist plays beautiful church music.
Stand beside the bride during The Marriage Vows, The Blessing and Exchange of Rings.
If you’re the male Witness, this is where you hand over the rings to the Priest and then hold the Bible for him while he reads and blesses the couple.
Sign the church register and marriage license right there, on the alter, right after the vows.
Be by the bride’s side during the Pronouncement, the Prayers, and the Blessing of the Marriage.
Straighten the bride’s dress and veil, hand her back her bouquet.
Curtsy to the groom. (For realz).
Leave the alter after the bride and groom on the arm of the other Witness, to the bridal recessional.

That list is obviously 11 steps longer than me, the other Witness, the bride, or the groom thought it would be.

To say we ALL got a shock at the rehearsal would be an understatement.

But honestly, I am so incredibly glad I was A Witness and not just uh witness.

I already considered it an honor to put my name on the piece of paper that officially binds Aaron and Grace to one another for life, but to play such an important role in their actual wedding ceremony, in a beautiful church, throughout their fantastically traditional vows… it was easily the most important day of my life after my own wedding day.

Me and Jeremy. Or as we dubbed ourselves that weekend, The Witness of Honor and The Best Witness!

Additional duties of A Witness, included:

Queuing up the photog to get shots of the dress, veil, jewelry, bouquet, Groom and Best Witness before the ceremony.
Helping Grace’s mother dress from head to toe.
Working with the wedding planner to get everyone to the church on time
Giving THE one and only toast at the reception (Shaking like a leaf the whole time optional. I threw it in for free).

Things I am so, so thankful for:

I did NOT wear the same dress I wore to my own rehearsal party and instead ended up in a last minute, surprisingly perfect dress appropriate for a Witness of Honor in a daytime wedding.
I brought my Grandmother’s cream pearls that matched Grace’s dress perfectly and which was her ‘something borrowed.’
I conveniently had comfortable, sapphire satin shoes from my own wedding to run around in all day. (Emphasis on “run.”)
I gave Grace a fabulous Linea Pelle clutch as a gift for being my bridesmaid that happened to work as a perfect alternative to the bouquet I didn’t have.
My own wedding was only three weeks prior, so I knew what had to get done and when.
Aaron’s friend Jeremy is cool as hell and was an awesome Best Witness to work with.
I got to play such an important role to my heterolifemate and her…. other heterolifemate(?)…err… new husband on one of the most special days of their lives.

The weekend held so many amazing moments and memories but these were my favorite, and how I witnessed my best friend’s Episcopal wedding.