An odd side-effect of the life changes of the last six months: I am now more comfortable answering to “Alicia” than I am to “Ali.”

It all started in November when I first began to introducing myself in a new work environment. After spending the last 15 years introducing myself as “Ali,” I decided to go by “Alicia” at D****n.

This wasn’t just a fluke or a desire to sound more grown-up or something. I work in a highly technical industry which utilizes a LOT of off-shore resources. I can’t tell you how many times I signed an email or support ticket as “Ali” and someone from India called back asking for a dude.

After awhile that ish got freakin’ OLD.

I vowed that the next job I started, I would curb myself from saying “just call me Ali!” I swore that this time, I would start going by Alicia and stick to it.

So, I did.

Then everything happened in February and I pretty much quit hanging out with friends and spent 100% of my time around co-workers, family, physicians, or funeral homes.

And all of those people – they don’t call me “Ali.” In fact, my Dad only ever called me “Alicia, or occasionally “Leesha” or “Leash.”

Now, three months after losing Daddy, I’m introducing myself as “Alicia” to pretty much everyone.

I mentioned this to a coworker the other day and she asked if “Alicia” was my “Sasha Fierce.” I was like “yeah NO.”  This is not my alter-ego. It definitely isn’t a more wild-side of my personality. And I damn sure won’t be asking  all my friends who know me as Ali to start calling me Alicia. Lame!

Without Daddy there is no remnant of my childhood left and in many ways I feel like everything before February 23rd was a very immature, silly sort of existence. I’d experienced loss before, but I was still somebody’s little girl. I don’t know how else to describe it beyond saying that little girl – Ali – died when her Daddy did.

I just don’t know who I am without him. I’m trying really hard to figure it out. I don’t know if every relationship I had before will survive the process. And right now…. it makes sense for Alicia to make a come back.