Daddy. A vLog.

No written words can convey what I’m feeling and I had to get this out… not only for myself but to keep from having to tell it over and over again. So, I did my first vLog.

Warning: It’s long. I cry. If you love me, you might cry too. I’m sorry… I hate this so much…

http://youtu.be/ipFYXpbK2o4

If you’re looking for something different, go check out this post I wrote about my Daddy last Father’s Day: I Love My Daddy. There will be more good ones as I process. In fact, this blog might become dedicated to my Daddy with as much love as I have for him, and I have to share.

I love him so much… thanks for watching.

xo,

– A

14 thoughts on “Daddy. A vLog.

  1. luckiestgirlever Post author

    Kittehs have been squished. Many, many times over. And my Dad’s dachshunds… bless those little cat-like dogs… they’ve taken the squishin’s surprisingly well…. I think they miss my Dad as much as I do.

  2. luckiestgirlever Post author

    Aww Amy thank you. I know you understand – I’ve read your posts about your brother and I can only imagine… I always knew my Daddy would go before me. I just never, ever thought this quick or this soon, or this sudden. I never thought it would happen while I was on the other side of the country for the first time in my life.

    I’ve had some good days so far. I’ve laughed again – really hard (thanks to my silly Uncles). I still don’t know when I’ll be ready to participate in the rest of life though. I can’t imagine myself partying or going to a concert or hanging out with friends. I love my friends but I feel like I just want to be left alone. The only people I want close to me right now are my siblings and Vince. It’s weird because I’m usually such an open person, but right now I am so shut down.

    I think my friends will wait for me to be ready though. I think they know. If you know me, you know my Dad is my everything. I hope they understand how broken I am… I hope they’ll be waiting for me when I’ve pieced myself back together.

  3. amy

    I am so so so sorry to read about the loss of your daddy! My thoughts are with you 🙁

    Ugh, death is such an awful part of life. Such a heartbreaking story. I really hope Mia is going to be okay!!

    Anyone that has experienced a deep loss always gives the cliche advice that with time it will get better. While this can be partly true, life will never be the same and you join this different world of life where you have experienced such a deep level of loss that has shaken your core. Some days are just awful, and some days start to feel like a new normal and you almost feel guilty for feeling okay.

    But… it is true, with time, you start to have more good days than bad and you move forward in life. It doesn’t change the loss and it doesn’t change the pain… but you find a way to move forward (not on).

    Take all the support around you! And when that immediate support around you stops checking in as much, reach out when you need to!

  4. Vicki @ Crowning Victoria

    There are no appropriate words to make your pain subside or your heart heal. Just know I am thinking about you constantly and wishing you comfort and peace. So much love to you, girl!!! Kitty squishes from your other kitteh-behbehs xoxo

  5. Tara

    You are loved by sooo many and that’s because you are the bestest!
    thank you for sharing this; we worry about you and i can only imagine how tough everything is…..
    your daddy would be proud by how strong you are being through these really tough times.
    we are all the good juju we can your way and to Mia.
    XOXOX

  6. luckiestgirlever Post author

    Thank you for watching this. I’m sure it was hard for you… I only know a handful of people who have lost their dads and you are one of them. Please run in Chicago for my Dad too.

  7. luckiestgirlever Post author

    I’m so glad you watched this, Jess. I’m so glad you got to meet him at our wedding. I feel like I am broken beyond repair. Vince and the Uncles are holding me up, but Daddy was a legend among my friends… he was just so awesome. <3

  8. luckiestgirlever Post author

    I know you’ve been thinking of me – I seriously can tell when I have moments of peace or calm that my friends are sending me love. I love you too. I’m so glad you knew my Dad… I miss him already.

  9. luckiestgirlever Post author

    Thank you, love. Right now I just need my Daddy… but I’m sure I will need to cry on you at some point in the future. I’m holding it together for now, but when life goes back to “normal” I just know I’m going to hate it. 🙁

  10. Jesi Ernest

    I love you! Thank you for sharing this as heartbreaking as it was. Please please let me know if you need anything. I can be at you front door in an hour flat!!!

  11. Grace

    Oh Ali, I am so so so so so sorry that you lost your Daddy. I’ve been thinking about you a lot these last few days and I wish there was something I could do. I really wish I could give you a huge hug right now. I love you. If you need anything, let me know.

  12. Jess

    I’m crying at my desk with you but thank you for posting it. The first thing as someone who loves you is wondering how you’re holding up at how the eff this could happen to him. You are so strong and my heart just completely breaks that you have to go through this, thank goodness he was making plans for after because that means he wasn’t scared. My hopes and prayers are with Mia pulling though fully recovered. I miss him too through your stories and actually meeting him for the first time at the wedding. He will be missed every second.

  13. Paula

    OMG Ali. So heartbreaking. I should not have listened to this at work. It will slowly start to get better with time, but until then, it’s gonna suck for awhile. I’m thinking of you and praying for your step-mom. <3 <3

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